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Hey, hey! So… I’m in the process of editing this post. As I’ve researched and grown, my thinking about health and size and weight and diet culture has shifted. It might be a little bit until I’ve edited all of my health posts (moving and 3 kids and all that), but if you’re interested in what I’ve been learning, check out the Food Psych podcast or this book on intuitive eating (affiliate link).
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I stood bare in front of the bathroom mirror. Instead of averting my eyes and getting out of there as quick as possible, I appraised.
And I spoke truth over my body.
You are beautiful in His eyes.
He made you, fearfully and wonderfully.
You are His beloved.
And then I filled my lungs with air and, finally with eyes peering at His handiwork, admitted my truth to Him.
I have an addiction, Lord. I’m a food addict. I’ve put food in a place that only you should be. All of this extra on my body is a physical manifestation of my sin.
Every single bit of my body that I despise is there because I didn’t turn to you when my anxiety got out of control, when the depression seeped in, or when I was finally so happy, I wanted to celebrate.
You would have welcomed my fears, my pain, and, of course, my joy, and You would have given me peace.
But I chose a quick-fix outlet that has done nothing but separate myself from you.
So I stand before you, now, humbly asking you to show me the way.
I know you are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. And I want to be done with my backward way, my false truth, and unsurrendered life.
So here I am, Lord.
Getting to this place has not been easy, friends. I had to admit to myself that I had a problem, that not taking care of my body was a sin, and that sin was separating me from God.
My pride was keeping me from acknowledging that I had a problem in the first place.
My shame was separating me from seeking God for help.
And, ultimately, I started to believe all kinds of lies. You were made this way. It’s just food. It’s not like you are hurting anyone else.
- We were made to crave: God.
- And yes, it’s just food, but we are misusing it.
- We are hurting people—ourselves and our families.
So now I’ve acknowledged and repented of how I have let my food addiction separate me from God.
But now what?
Food addiction is an interesting beast. It’s not like drugs or alcohol, where once you decide to get help the goal is to never use, again.
We can’t give up food. We have to replace our broken habit with whole ones.
So I’ve decided to seek outside help, and if you are in this place, too, I encourage you to, as well.
I’m not talking about another diet or health craze, but someone to help us work through the heart of the matter.
Our sin isn’t that we are overweight. Sin lies in our hearts. The extra pounds are just proof of a heart that hasn’t been relying on God.
For so long I have looked in the mirror and only have seen failure and worthlessness, but God is slowly, yet deeply rewriting my heart.
I am a work in progress.
And so are you.
Go love well, friends! (And that includes loving your body well, too!)
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Love this and the heart behind it. As an emotional eater I can totally relate. It’s a struggle sometimes but thank God for victory through Him!!
Thank you, Alonda! I join you in thanking God for victory! I know that if I am going to overcome, it will only be through His power. 🙂
oh yeah i’ve definitely been there when it comes to food addiction – one step at a time…
Thanks for commenting, Andi! Yep, one step at a time.
This hit far too close to home. Thank you for this post.
You’re welcome, Robbie! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I hope this post blessed you.
Bold post, Kelsey. You are speaking hard truth, and I am thankful for your words today. Blessings in your fight for freedom in Christ.
Thanks, Michele. To be honest, I didn’t want to hit publish on this one. But then I realized the only thing holding me back was pride. . . Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I hope you have a blessed day! 🙂
This resonates with me. I tend to eat emotionally and trying to lose weight and eat healthier has forced me to confront the fact that turning to food instead of God for comfort is sin. God satisfies the cravings of my heart–not food. Have you read Lysa Terkeurst’s book Made to Crave? She does a great job of exploring these questions too.
Thanks for commenting and sharing your struggles, Leigh. I have read Made to Crave a couple of times. I really enjoyed it. I’ve been thinking about purchasing her Action Plan, too! Have you read it? Thanks for the tip! 🙂
Good for you! What a difficult subject… and a big source of failure for so many of us. Thank you for addressing it… and I hope you see victory.
Thank you! 🙂 Me too!
Your honesty is beautiful Kelsey 🙂 I am an emotional/stress eater and totally relate. I think the first step to dealing with the issue is exactly what you’ve done: bringing truth and honesty to what is going on. The truth stings, because it is admitting we’d rather turn to a bowl of ice cream than to God. But when we know the truth we can then begin to confront the lies that have held us captive. And thankfully we don’t have to confront those lies alone because we know The Truth!
Thank you, Carrie! I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago in the midst of a really vulnerable moment. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to share it, but I needed my confession to be public. I think I needed to hear the ‘me too’ from other women struggling to seek holy comfort over immediate pleasure. Thank you so much for commenting, Carrie. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! 🙂
I’m standing right beside you, Kelsey. Not only is a food addiction different from a drug or alcohol but it seems to be more excepted. Who doesn’t have 5 or 10 pounds to loss !!! But this addiction is just like the rest in the fact that it puts the focus on the wrong things and not on God. Thanks for this heart felt post and may you receive strength to overcome and live a free life. Blessings.
You are so right, Rebecca. It’s less about the physical manifestation and more about the heart. Physically we could look healthy, but if we are turning to anything before God, we are still sinning. I’m so glad you shared your perspective. You’ve given more to think about! I hope you are having a wonderful, restful weekend. Blessings to you, too! 🙂
Hi, Kelsey,
I’m stopping by here from the CWB facebook group. 🙂 I am a food addict, too! And learning how to let Christ have that area of my life has been some of the hardest work ever. I love that you mention you are a work-in-progress woman – that’s in the byline of my blog, and it really does help to remember that, especially when faced with our own failures.
Jen 🙂
I’m slowly learning the same thing. Work-in-progress, indeed! What a great byline.
Thank you so much for stopping by to commenting, Jen! 🙂
Oh yes! I can relate to this issue too! It’s always a fine balance between enjoying good food, eating to nourish our bodies and emotional eating. A few years ago I read Made to Crave and several of those lessons have really stuck with me in terms of how I view food and even my own appearance. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and vulnerability, and know that you are not alone! 🙂
Thanks for commenting, Victoria. It’s official. After we get moved, I’m going to dig out my copy of Made to Crave. I think my heart needs to spend some time dwelling in those truths, again! I wonder if Lysa Terkuerst has any idea of how many women she has impacted with her words. . . Thanks for stopping by and hosting Intentional at Home Thursday. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this personal story with your readers and I know there are MANY of us out here who can empathize and relate to your struggle. I have had a battle with food my whole life. My weight is a constant roller coaster and I just always ended up coming back to how comfortable and safe and HAPPY food makes me feel. I want to recommend a book that I read recently as I feel it can really help people suffering from addiction (it has certainly helped me!). It is called Addiction is the Symptom by Author Rosemary Ellsworth Brown, PhD (http://addiction-is-the-symptom.com/). Addiction, no matter what form it takes, can usually be attributed to something deeper than the addiction itself. This book uses real world examples and easy to understand language to help us understand these causes for addictive behaviors, as well as the steps we need to take to permanently overcome these damaging behaviors. Often an addict will jump from one addiction to another, without ever addressing the true emotional causes behind the behavior. This will never truly solve the problem, with the help of this book I am starting to take the steps necessary to heal myself on a deeper level and become emotionally free from the power of addiction.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, Bianca. I really appreciate your book recommendation, too! When I first started this journey, I started researching books to read, but I quickly became overwhelmed and gave up. I will definitely at this book to the list. Looking back to when I lost all of my weight the first time, I did replace one addiction with another. It truly is a heart issue. Thanks, again, for your encouragement and resource recommendation. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. 🙂
Kelsey,
I feel so blessed to have accidentally come across your website tonight. I am just shy of 57 and struggle from depression, OCD, anxiety and a very frustrating food addiction. I was hospitalized when I was 28 for it and have been in and out of therapy most of my adult life. I believe I have a strong faith yet still struggle. I want so much to hear God’s whispers and know what he wants from me, my purpose in life. I have recently been trying to get to church more both for myself and my grandson who lives with us.
I read the first paragraph of what I happened onto of your sight or one of uour posts and knew I needed to read more. I feel embarrassed and ashamed to still be struggling with food issues at my age and since I am very fussy with a very limited food menu it makes it more difficult. I have always wanted to study the bible but my brain is a disorganized mess. I also have ADD, which as an adult, seems like a sorry excuse for being disorganized, frazzled and chronically late. I am looking forward to following you and am hopeful I may find some helpful thoughts and ideas. Thank you for sharing and giving of yourself so openly to help others.
You’re so welcome, Vicki.
I’m so sorry you’ve had so many struggles. I can relate to so many of them. I just wanted to encourage you that no matter how far gone or guilty or embarrassed you feel that God’s love and grace is bigger still. It doesn’t always feel that way — and I, too, struggle to remember that Truth — but, regardless, of our feelings He is faithful!
Your comment blessed me. I pray that my humble words will help inspire and encourage you! 🙂
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